Courage to Trust

Don't look back too long or you will lose courage and want to stay right where you are.– Joyce Rupp

I've always admired people who cope with loss or traumatic events as survivors, not as victims. Most tragic losses and difficult circumstances show up at our door without calling ahead or asking for our permission. We can't avoid loss, but we can make a decision about the attitude we will take and the way we will respond to it.

I know of people who choose to be a victim when loss hits them, feeling passive and helpless to do anything about their problem. They are filled with doubt, anguish, and frustration and therefore are bitter and negative about life. They often ask "Why is this happening to me?"

But there are other people who choose to be grateful for what they have had rather than angry about what’s been taken.  They are able to embrace the pain of their loss without giving up hope; take responsibility for their own future and face their situation head on. With a positive and upbeat attitude about life, they are determined to conquer their fears and doubtsI'm taking a hard look at those people who choose strong survivor over helpless victim. A few weeks ago when I was visiting my friend in Greece, I started having trouble walking up the hill. Then I couldn't walk into the sea; I actually fell into it. I chalked it up to being tired, jet lagged, and very hot. When I returned to the USA, my legs felt enormously heavy, and they didn't respond well to my commands to get somewhere. By the third week I was having difficulty just walking across a room, and at the end of that week, I couldn't walk at all without falling (which I did seven times in those three weeks).As my doctor and I waited for my insurance company to approve an MRI on my back, I got worse, so he sent me to the emergency room. Three weeks later I've been discharged from the hospital after having every test known to medical science.  These showed that I had no brain tumor, no tumors on the spine, no aneurysm, no stenosis, no pinched nerves, no stroke, no problem with my muscles nor with the bones in my spine.  Each item crossed off the list brought an enormous relief but a deepening sense of mystery.  What was happening in my body?Finally, when they did a spinal tap, they discovered there were extra white cells in my spinal fluid indicating that some kind of virus had likely attacked my spinal cord which may have caused a disconnect in the central nervous system. Thus, the difficulty in my walking. At last, some sort of explanation!  Armed with that information, I am now in rehab and physical therapy re-learning how to walk, how not to lose my balance, how not to fall.It was an amazing journey to travel in a three week period from being a walker, hiker, swimmer to not being able to walk across a room without falling. One of my doctors told me that I may suffer a bit from fear and Post-Traumatic Stress. Although the virus likely left my body some time ago, I've already made a decision about my next steps – I'm opting to be committed to working hard to strengthen my body, to finding patience, and to trusting that I will be well again.  And I will be – someday soon.(In my next blog, I will write more about this healing process and about the amazing team who are helping me to grow and to heal.) 

• Have you personally seen the difference between someone who became a victim and someone who became a survivor?
• What have been some of your losses in life? And how have you responded to them?

Creator, there are so many of us in transition. We may be in pain, filled with fear, confused, ill, startled, terrified. We ask that you give us the courage to move forward in spite of our losses, to help us conquer our fears and doubts and to be positive and upbeat about life. May we have the courage to trust that you will always be with us. Amen.Joy Carolwww.joycarol.com